Final Decision

So I talked to my friend J, I talked to my sister, and I talked to my Mum.

Conclusion: I will never know for definite what is going on until I speak to him face-to-face. Because messages are so difficult and meaning can so easily be miscontrued.

I asked him about dinner next Friday and he said yes, we arranged to plan out finer details nearer the end of next week. Then he said a volunteering thing had come up Saturday afternoon that he needed to do otherwise it couldn’t take place, and said he knows this scuppers our plans and he’s sorry. He suggested doing nothing else, so I questioned this and said would he rather not see me next weekend? He said we can still see each other, he just has to do his thing. He said he has a picture of the rota so we can plan a night to see each other.

So what does that mean? Should I be worried by vagueness? And an apparent hesitation to make concrete plans? In the past, he’s always wanted to make plans to see me again like, a day or two after we last saw each other.

And it only occurred to me afterwards…..I was talking about dinner on Friday, and his thing isn’t until 4pm on Saturday.

So, again…was he just trying to get out of seeing me? Or was he assuming that I would be spending the whole weekend with him, as I have done previously, and that’s what he’s referring to?

But by the time I realised this the conversation had moved on and I didn’t want to go back to it for fear of looking like a desperate, belligerent psycho.

So basically my three wise monkeys and I decided that: until he actually says to me that he doesn’t want to see each other anymore (or makes it clear as day by, say, consistently cancelling/not making plans for a few weeks) then I should chill the fuck out. Accept that I read way too much into the situation and that everything’s fine, and trust him when he said that if he didn’t want to see me anymore, he would just say that. And until he does say that, there’s no problem.

And just stop overthinking! Like, everything in my life. Creating problems in my head through worrying and fretting and going over every last detail.

When I was sat on the beach last week my mind was just so calm and free of anything. It’s just my favourite place in the world and it’s the only place I really feel peaceful. I need to move to the seaside. Pronto.

So, yeah. Chill out. Stop overthinking and reading in to things. Remember how keen I was to take things slowly, and so be appreciative of the fact that that’s exactly what’s happening. Have confidence in the things he has said to me previously about how he feels about me and what he thinks of me.

And just, be. Let the universe take control if you will, and watch the events unfold.

Everything will work out just how it’s meant to if I stop trying to control everything and just….

Chill. The. Fuck. Out




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