What is going on?

Screenshot_20170413-193137I’m so sick of this.

I’m sick of people letting me down, saying things they don’t mean, making me feel safe and appreciated and wanted, only to turn around and fuck me over.

What is wrong with me? Why do I find these people, why can’t I find the one thing I want? Someone to love me and be there for me and want nothing more.

I know I deserve it. I know I’m not a bad person. And I was so careful, this time especially! I let him make the first moves. I didn’t let my barriers down until his were. So I thought this time would be different. What a fucking idiot.

I see couples who are so happy and seem so at ease, things seem to be so simple for them.

And I know that it’s very easy to make an exterior look all shiny and perfect when the interior can be very different.

But, still.

What’s going on?

It never fails to amaze me how quickly things can go wrong, how quickly they can sour.

A few minutes, an hour, a few days, a week.

I’m so tired of this. I’m not even asking to meet my “soulmate” or someone I’m going to spend my life with, although that would be nice! At the very least I just want to meet someone who I can be in a relationship with. Someone who will respect me and treat me well and love me and appreciate me. Someone to have fun with and spend weekends with. Have adventures with.

He said he wanted to go all sorts of places with me. Have all sorts of adventures.

I literally can’t do this anymore, there’s only so many times you can be let down and disappointed. How do I ever trust someone now?

I so don’t want him to turn out like the others, I so badly want this to be different to how I’m perceiving it.

But will it be?

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