So what now?

We’ve agreed to meet up today. I’m leaving in about half an hour.

We’ve agreed that we’re both so unsure about what the fuck is going on that the only thing to do is to meet up and talk it out fully, properly, face to face.

I left so suddenly on Saturday because he wasn’t saying anything, he just accepted it. And I could feel myself about to break down and scream so I left before I did that and embarrassed myself. He says now he accepted it without question because he was so shocked.

I think he knew things were bad but obviously he hadn’t realised/accepted that things were THAT bad.

So we agreed to meet up today and I ended the conversation.

He then messaged me a couple of hours later saying he missed being intimate with me. I said I did too, and then asked him why he’d decided to re-add me on Facebook and re-follow me on social media. He said :

“If you want something then why stop trying for it?”

Now he’s fighting for me, do I want him? You can’t toy with people’s feelings and emotions, if I’d thought it wasn’t the right thing then I wouldn’t have broken up with him, I thought it through so carefully.

But as I said to my best friend last night, I am now genuinely worried that it wasn’t the right decision and that I was swayed by my friend at work, my mum and my sister; that they convinced me it was the right thing to do.

I guess all I can do is meet him and see.

But it’s his birthday, so if it all goes to shit I look like a bitch for ruining his birthday – he’ll never forget that – and I have the guilt of knowing that not only is he upset, he’s also upset on his birthday.

For fuck’s sake.


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