Heartbreak

So that’s it, it’s over.

All my confidence and sassiness has gone and I’m just left feeling sad and upset and a little bit lost.

It went well, neither of us got malicious or angry or aggressive, just both upset and sorry for what we’ve lost.

As soon as I walked in and saw him I just felt sick, because he looked so good, he’s obviously been taking care of himself – he said he went out last night and came back sober. I truly am proud of him for that, that he made an effort for me for today – and all I could think of was all the good times and all the happiness. And I’m so utterly heartbroken that it’s all been shattered and broken, and that I don’t really know where or why it went wrong.

He’s the first guy to make me feel confident, interesting, sexy, attractive,¬†intellectual. He’s made me feel so good about myself. There were so many good points to our relationship, and there are so many good points to him. I told him this.

I explained my reasons and he said he understood, that it was fair enough and that he respected my decision. At first he said he was surprised however, because he’d thought we were going to sort it out. I did have the intention to do that last week but it’s just not right. And I so wish I could make it right but of course we all know you can’t force these things.

I just feel – and again, I told him this – that the drugs are too much. And that they’re something he needs to totally give up as and when he wants to, not because he has some nagging, whiny bitch in his ear.

You can never predict the future, so maybe we will get back together. When he’s sorted his shit out and kicked the drugs for good.

We agreed to stay in touch, and be civil, but we also agreed that the whole “let’s be friends” thing is bullshit, and it never works.

As Carrie Bradshaw said: “Some love stories aren’t epic novels. Some are short stories. But that doesn’t make them any less filled with love.”

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