Confused

How can so many things happen in such a short time?

I’ve talked to my mum, my sister, my friends, my work colleagues…and they all seem to think he should go. It’s the drug use, and the aggressive tendencies. He’s never hurt me physically and I’m sure he never would, but it’s happened before so it can happen again, right? Especially if he’s under the influence.

He did it again on Friday night, because we had a bit of an argument. I can’t watch his self-destructive behaviour, this isn’t an adult relationship! This is him running away from being an adult by behaving like a child.

We agreed that he’s not the person he was at the start of our relationship 6 months ago. I worry that it’s me, that I’ve done something wrong. He says not, and that he’s sorry for putting me through this. I worry about him so much because he’s so reckless and angry when he’s taken something, and that makes me worry what he’s capable of doing to himself or others.

The worst is the cannabis, he smokes it pretty much every night. I pointed out that he’s smoked it on a regular basis for a long time, about 6 years. And that a well-known long-term side effect of cannabis is paranoia and anxiety; he says the anxiety is causing the controlling and possessive behaviour. So he said he’s going to quit because he doesn’t want to lose me. But if I’m honest, I’m not sure whether the damage has already been done.

I’d so love to get back the man I was with 6 months ago. He was so chilled out and yet always up for going out and doing things and laughing together and lately, he’s just been the complete opposite. For a good 3/4 months he’s been lethargic and doesn’t want to go out or do anything. So I feel like I’m not in a relationship with the same person.

If I could get him back then maybe things would be different, but is it too late?

I’m so confused and I don’t know how I feel, and that scares and upsets me.

We’ve agreed to take time apart and not have any contact, and meet up on Saturday.

I’m so stuck, how did this happen?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s